I know some pretty somber disciplinarians. Some of my fellow parents, and even a few of my friends, spend a lot of energy disciplining their children. Instead of finding ways to work with them, they find ways to force them to obey blindly. I understand that it's imperative to have obedient children, but I think there are better ways to control it than by punishing them. Punishment is necessary, but the most important thing is to make the child feel like a part of his or her own life. If she or he comprehends that the decisions that he makes matter, he will be more apt to obey what you have to say. With freedom comes responsibility, but with accountability also must come freedom.

I always try to include the kids in decisions about household decorations. For example, they have to take care of cleaning the bathroom, but they get to choose the kids shower curtains. They need to keep their bedrooms clean, but they get to pick kids blankets. They rotate who gets to pick out the kids shower curtains. This time, it is my daughter's turn. She has picked out a frog shower curtain which is one of the most cute things that I have ever seen. Her kids shower curtains will stay up for the next two weeks, during which time she needs to take care of the bath. After that, one of the other children shower curtains gets to be put up.

I did not come to this decision arbitrarily. I don't let them put up their own children shower curtains because I've given up on getting them to listen to me. Quite the opposite, I want them to hear me. I want to teach them that with work comes rewards. If my son wants to put up his lighthouse shower curtains, that's fine, but he has to keep the tub utterly clean. If my youngest daughter wants to put up her kids shower curtains, she needs to try cleaning the bathroom herself.

She is very youthful, and has not been assigned chores yet, but soon she will. Instead of dreading them, she will actually enjoy them. She will see them as a signal that she is getting to the age where she enjoys the exact same privileges and rights as the older children. The children shower curtains represent this, as do their bedsheets.

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